Whenever I ask my clients about what confidence means to them, the answers I get usually fall into one of the categories: to feel good about myself, to deal with whatever is in front of me, to be strong, to look good and to feel good, to be prepared, and so on.
The questions are:
How does one ‘feel good about themselves’?
How does one ‘deal with whatever is in front of them’?
What does it mean, to ‘be strong’?
What does it mean ‘to look good and feel good’?
How does it look like to ‘be prepared’?
The combination of answers, I have noticed over time, fall into the field of resilience or the variables that contribute to the person’s resilience. They are also sometimes called protective factors.
Before looking into the variables, let’s look at the definitions of resilience and self-confidence first:
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from negative emotional experiences and to flexibly adapt to the changing demands of the stressful experiences.
Self confidence is defined as self-assurance and a belief. A confident person trusts in their abilities, capacities and judgment, and believes that they are capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task (definition).
To increase your confidence, it’s helpful to become aware of the of the variables that enable resilience:
- Self-awareness. You ability to notice and describe in specific terms what you are thinking, feeling and how you are reacting. Notice how your thoughts, emotions, and reactions fit and help the situation at hand. Notice and describe your strengths and weaknesses.
2. Self-regulation. Your ability to not only notice what is happening with you in the moment, but to also change your thoughts, emotions and behaviours. Your ability to set goals and strive for attaining them.
3. Mental agility. Your ability to look at things from multiple perspectives. Your intellectual abilities to identify the source of a problem and the solutions.
4. Optimism. Your belief in the positive future. Your attitude to continue to persist. Your ability to set apart what you can and cannot control. Your ability and willingness to see a situation as a challenge and not a problem.
5. Self-efficacy. Your awareness of your talents and strengths, and your perception that you can master your environment. This includes your character strengths, your virtues that you can use when faced with a challenge.
6. Connections. Your status around relationships. People that are currently in your life. The quality of your interpersonal relationships, and having at least one person that you can fully rely on.
7. External Environment. The institutions such as a workplace or the communities that support (or erode) your general confidence. Perhaps you are a strong, confident person but are going to the work place that doesn’t feel safe; or on the contrary you are not 100% aware about your talents but you are in the environment that supports learning and self-discovery.
Which of the variable is the easiest for your to tap in? Which one represents a challenge?
The combinations of what you need and want when it comes to your general confidence can be numerous. It helps to become knowledgeable about the variables that we can influence, and the awareness that we can always increase our confidence.
If you want to get better from where you are at, get in touch here.
Image: Demi Moore, Margin Call 2011.