There isn’t a title or a status, that protects a person against bad events.
We all encounter a below average day, and probably below average moments every day.
But it’s not those moments and events that drive the outcomes, it’s how you to think about them.
Martin Seligman, who studied optimism and health in the 80s, found that some individuals resist becoming depressed when confronted with troubles and difficulties, while some individuals become pessimistic and depressed, even when they have positive alternatives.
The main difference between these individuals wasn’t in the IQ, talent or motivation, but in their explanatory style.
It’s how they explain to themselves the causes of both the good and the bad events that they experience, which in turn, protects their confidence.
How would you describe yourself, as an optimist or a pessimist?
Being optimistic doesn’t mean rationalising failures or refusing to accept consequences of your actions, but explaining any event in a way (‘the how’), that enables learning, growth and moving forward.
Your objective is to protect your confidence by applying a mental filter that helps you release and restructure any thoughts, memories or experiences that diminish your energy, optimism and enthusiasm.
Does optimism it work really work?
One of Seligman’s classic studies conducted at West Point, tested a new group of cadets on their optimism and pessimism tendencies at the start of their training.
Twelve hundred young men and women, all outstanding achievers, are subjects to six weeks, 24h military indoctrination. Their emotional stability, physical fitness and ability to quickly learn are tested in the hottest New York State summer with the objective to test how the explanatory style influenced persistence under challenging conditions, and eventual performance.
Who quits, and who makes it?
Individuals – cadets, with a significantly higher pessimistic explanatory style, quit.
Optimists make it.
While you’re not a new cadet, you’re an entrepreneur facing challenges every single day.
Your best manager just quit, you are putting out fires all day while being unable to deal with the most important tasks, or you are bombarded with bad news first thing on a Monday morning.
If your current flow of thoughts goes like:
“Here I go again, the same problem, the same mistake…” or,
“My whole day is ruined, because of this…” or
“I’m just not good enough…”
First, realise that it’s human to run to the negative thoughts, and even socially accepted to look for faults in our selves.
Second, remember that you’re in charge, you can change how you think.
How you explain what happens to you, can be learned with a 3 part method ‘optimistic explanatory style’, that helps you increase your optimism and protect your confidence.
1. Every setback, error and mistake is temporary.
Treat your mistakes and imperfections as temporary. Acknowledge them, and leave them in the past. This is how you avoid the trap of worry and self-doubt, and you also accept, that you cannot control everything.
2. Every setback, error and mistake is limited.
Treat your mistakes and imperfections as isolated events. Allow yourself to think that something happened at the one specific scope, lock them mentally into that scope, and prevent the spillover effect.
3. Every setback, error and mistake is non-personal.
Treat your mistakes and imperfections as inaccurate reflections of who you are, and what you’re capable of. Don’t let your mistakes define you. If you experience some version of things not going well, don’t ask yourself whats wrong with me, but how can I do this better.
Image: Alamy, Demi Moore in A Few Good Men (1992).